Mike Littlehale posted the second-highest score of the week and went home with nothing. Donald Hefferon scored 162.0, the highest total in the league, and did it to him.
Littlehale's 133.5 would have beaten ten of the eleven other teams on the board. It beat Sam Wadhams by 28. It beat Ian Pfeiffer by 19.5. It beat every single result in the bottom half of the league by a margin wide enough to park a bus in. It beat nobody, because the schedule handed him Donald Hefferon.
Hefferon's 162.0 was built on two men. Davante Adams returned 41.0 and Josh Allen returned 40.0, which is 81 points from two roster spots and rather more than Tom Pauza managed from an entire starting lineup. The rest of the team was merely competent. Competence, stacked on top of 81 points, is generally enough.
Amon-Ra St. Brown gave Littlehale 35.5 and it made no difference whatsoever. There was no lineup error to blame, no defence scoring in the negative, no tight end forgotten on the bench since Thursday. Littlehale did the work, filed the paperwork correctly, and lost by 28.5 to a man having the best week in the league.
He falls to 1-1 with 254.5 points for, which is the third-best total in a twelve-team league and good only for fourth place in the standings. Hefferon sits at 2-0 with 306.0. The Unluckies remain, by some margin, the worst-named team in the competition.
Ian Pfeiffer put 114.0 on Tim Kelly and won by 31.5, a scoreline that undersells how one-sided the afternoon was. Jaxon Smith-Njigba alone returned 45.5, which is 55 per cent of Kelly's entire starting lineup. Easy Breecey Lemon Breecey managed 82.5 in total. One wide receiver in Seattle outscored more than half of it before the late games had kicked off.
That leaves three teams unbeaten after two weeks: Hefferon on 306.0 points, Pfeiffer on 279.0, and Hannan Merritt on 225.0, the last of whom has reached 2-0 by scoring 70.5 in a week and winning anyway. Merritt beat Tom Pauza 70.5 to 59.0 in a fixture that the record book will list politely as a result. Both teams are in the top three of something. Only one of them deserves it.
Tom Pauza left 68.0 points on his bench and started 59.0, a ratio that takes real commitment. Dak Prescott sat on 30.0. Pauza lost by 11.5. Starting the quarterback would have covered it nearly three times over.
Mike Littlehale scored 133.5, the second-best figure of the week, and was drawn against the best. Donald Hefferon's 162.0 removed any discussion. Littlehale now has 254.5 points for and a 1-1 record to go with it.
Donald Hefferon's 162.0 is the highest total posted in Week 2 and pushes The Unluckies to 306.0 points for, ahead of every rival by at least 27. Adams and Allen combined for 81.0 of it.
Hannan Merritt sits on 99 career wins and needs one more for the century. Mike Littlehale is two away on 98. Tom Pauza requires two to reach 50, which is a different sort of achievement entirely.
Abbott v Pauza — Abbott leads Pauza 13-9 all-time and Pauza may again bench the difference.
Merritt v Borah — Merritt 6-3 over Borah, who benched Travis Kelce and 63.5 points regardless.
Wadhams v Kelly — Wadhams and Kelly split 10-8; both arrive carrying visible defects.
Francis v Hefferon — Francis owns Hefferon 18-6, the most lopsided ledger on the entire fixture list.
Pfeiffer v Gervais — Pfeiffer 11-4 against Gervais, who won last week by 6.5 and shouldn't have.
Littlehale v Dudley — Littlehale trails Dudley 11-12, the only genuinely level rivalry next week.
Heavy scoring over Don's territory all week, with Allen fronts building from the north.
Persistent bench fog across Tom's coastline. Visibility poor. Quarterbacks reported missing inland.
Dry conditions continue over Duds, 0-2 and dropping. No relief in the extended outlook.
Ion enjoys clear skies and a warm Smith-Njigba breeze. Neighbouring counties advised to stay indoors.